A Blessing and a Curse-the first trimester

This week, I transition from Trimester 1 to Trimester 2 of my second pregnancy. My thoughts of growing a baby range from what a miracle to a curse and back to a miracle. Since the first trimester technically starts before the baby is even conceived, I'll start my story shortly after Alexis's birth so you can better appreciate our journey.

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If you have a weak stomach or don't care to read details of my personal life (that would be you Dad), then just skip this blog and come back next week. I want to be as real as possible so those of you in similar situations can know that you are not alone!

Life After Alexis's Birth

3 months-"I do not miss pregnancy, it feels so good not to feel sick all the time. Being tired all the time is rough, but manageable, but if we did get pregnant I would be excited."
6 months-"Alexis is so cute, we can't wait to have another baby!"
*buy and take 3 pregnancy tests because I didn't start charting until Alexis was 6 months. If I had charted when the lochia decreased like I was supposed to, I would have saved myself a lot of roller-coaster emotions and pregnancy tests!
1 year (annual Ob-Gyn check-up)-"I know fertility CAN take up to two years to return, but when should I be concerned?"
Midwife-"You may be one of the lucky ones whose fertility doesn't return until 2-3 months after complete weaning. Come back 3 months after completely weaning if your fertility hasn't returned."
Me (in my head)-"she's forgetting that we WANT another one..." (out loud) "Ok."
Later on (with husband)-"Should we wean now so my fertility can return?"
Austin-"It's up to you."
Me-"It's still flu season, let's wait until after flu season."
*We are glad we waited. Austin and I caught a really bad flu on Easter and Alexis only had a slight temperature and vomited once. Waaaaaaaaay better than what we had.
13 months-"My sister-in-law is pregnant, I really hope we can get pregnant soon so they can be close in age like Alexis is with her first cousin."
15 months-"woohoo, signs of fertility!" 

Trying to Conceive

1st period postpartum-"It's okay, it can take 3 cycles for your body to adjust."
8 days post-peak-"I feel funny, maybe I'm pregnant. Let's take a test. Oh, it's negative. I wonder why I feel funny."
10 days post-peak-"Maybe I feel funny because I'm pregnant and I took the last test too early. Let's try again... Still not pregnant. I feel dumb."
2nd cycle-"1 more cycle, then I should make an appointment. My chart looks like I have some cervical inflammation and my progesterone is still low. Should I call the doctor now or wait? I should call the doctor now because it sometimes takes a while to see them. Oh, they want to see me next week? Let's wait until October 1 so I have my 3rd cycle postpartum, then I can reschedule to prenatal if we conceive"
"Dear God, I will gladly accept all sufferings, morning sickness and discomfort for the gift of another healthy baby."
August 15 (11 days post-peak)-Got out of bed, took pregnancy test. Nothing is happening. 2 minutes feels like forever. Go lay down. Get back up. "Is that a line, that looks like a line! It's faint, but I'm pretty sure that's a line." Lay back down in bed.
Austin-"So you're pregnant?"
Me-"How did you know?"
Austin-"You look happy."
Me-"I think so, I want you to double-check."
He also sees the line.
"We are so excited! I just want to tell everybody! My brother is getting married in 2 weeks, we should probably wait until after their wedding."
​Since it's a Saturday, I call in on Monday. As predicted, they prescribe progesterone and a blood draw. 

Pregnancy Week 4-Elation

Blood draw came back with low progesterone (no surprise), so I'm on 2 mL injections 2x/week, but my HCG was incredible!
"These shots hurt more than they started with last time, but I do still have a few leftover lumps from Alexis. At least they aren't as painful as they were towards the end." 
"I'm definitely pregnant, I'm starting to cry at every sappy thing I see or hear."

Week 5-Exhaustion

​​"How is it possible to be so tired???? I am EXHAUSTED just warming up food in the microwave!!!! My heart is pounding. Is this even ok? I feel nauseous, but I'm not as sick as I was with Alexis, I just barely have the energy to get off the couch. If this is what people mean by fatigue, it's just as misleading as morning sickness."

Week 6-My Brother's Wedding

"Ok, here comes the vomiting. At least I know how to keep my head up so it doesn't go up my nose as bad. I'm glad it waited until I got home."
"I wonder if dairy makes me more nauseous." Quits dairy for 2 days. "Nope, didn't help, bring back the milk and cheese!"
"Some people say Sour Patch Kids help, let's try those!" They mask the ick feeling in the back of my throat, so I eat lots of them. Alexis thinks it is fun to feed them to me.

Week 7-Nausea to the Max

"I'm less exhausted, but now I can't get off the couch because I'm afraid I'll vomit!"
When I do vomit, Alexis always pats my back. She's so sweet and supportive. What a good reminder of why I'm doing this.
7 Week Ultrasound: "This baby looks more like a blob. At least Alexis looked like a shrimp. Maybe it's just the position of the baby. The baby is measuring perfect and has a great heartbeat!"
Austin-"Hey, you're at 7 weeks and most people feel better by 14, that means you're half-way through."
Me-"I didn't start feeling bad until 5/6 weeks. 2 out of 8/9 weeks is less than 25%."
​I only like peanut butter toast. I wonder if this baby will be allergic to peanuts since I wanted cheese on everything with Alexis and she is allergic to dairy.

Baby #2 at 7 weeks 3 days

Alexis at 6 week appointment.

Week 8-Good News

"Ok, you can do this (this=make dinner/vacuum/put laundry away/etc.). Just power through. Nope, positive thoughts are not enough." Sits back on couch.
"Woohoo, I only have to take 1mL shots 2x a week.  This feels WAY better."

Week 9-Regret?!?!

"Why oh why did I make that prayer accepting all suffering for a healthy baby?!?! Because it's worth it. You know it's worth it. Just look at Alexis. Just think of all the people who can't have babies. Think of the women who are hospitalized because their 'morning sickness' is that bad. You can do this. It's only 9 months of suffering for an entire life for this little one. Plus, you started feeling better around 20 weeks with Alexis, so just 4 months of misery. You're truly half-way done with being miserable! Maybe if we want more kids we should just adopt them."
Lemonheads help and last longer than Sour Patch Kids.

Week 10-Tums, Yum!

"How can I sleep this much? I'm still sleeping 11ish hours at night and wanting a nap during the day, but at least now I have SOME energy."
"I'm starting to have good days. I like good days. I'm only getting sick in the evening instead of 2-3 times a day. Plus, I don't FEEL like I'm going to throw up just from getting off the couch anymore. Minty things are the best!"
"I'm such a wimp. At this stage with Alexis I was teaching full-time. Now I only act like a functional human being for half a day on a good day!"
"Tums settle my stomach. Can I overdose on Peppermint Tums? Oh, apparently I'm only supposed to have 5 a day. I think I had 7 yesterday because the bottle said take 2-3 each time you need them." I tell Austin. He now becomes my personal Tums Police. I should have never told him.

Week 11-Getting Better

I mostly feel sick in the evening now. There are a few days that I feel sick all day, but most days are better.
"Poor Austin. I feel ok most of the day, then when he comes home I'm back to being a useless bum who feels sick just getting off the couch."
 still love naps and all things mint.
I buy myself Lifesaver mints and only take Tums when the mints aren't helping.

Week 12-We Made It!

"WOW, I don't even feel pregnant this morning." 2 hours later "Ok, I feel a tinge of nausea, but at least I feel like a functional human being."
"I seem to get sick after eating tomato-based things and since I like Tums so much maybe I suffer from Acid Reflux already. Maybe I should go with more bland foods. Marinara sauce, BBQ sauce, tomato soup, ketchup, that's like half my diet!!! I guess it will be worth it if it means not getting sick."

With Love, Stephanie

I want to apologize to all those who I have treated poorly when I don't feel well. I want to especially thank my parents and Austin for their patience with me. If we  talked and I didn't seem happy to be pregnant, it's because I was focused on how I was feeling and instead of the gift of growing a baby. I pray that I can focus more on my blessings and use my sufferings for sanctification instead of self-pity. If you suffered from difficult pregnancy symptoms and found some solutions, write about them in the comments to help other readers! If you had strange cravings/aversions, I would love to hear about them so I know I'm not the only crazy out there, or so I can tell Austin "At least I'm not craving THAT ;)."